When you realize that you’re going to have to go through this fight on your own… And that no matter how much you cry for saving, it’s only you who can save yourself from depression. 

I don’t know why it comes as a surprise to me. I don’t know why I had to realize it, or actually remember. It’s always been up to me; I’ve always had to deal with things on my own. I’m grateful for the very few friends I have who I know I can talk to… but at the end of the day, it’s only you.

But I don’t know why I always depend on someone to help me find happiness back. I think it’s because I’ve always been a private, independent person who never liked to rely on anyone else… but now that I met.. you, it just seemed to make sense to me that you’d become my knight in shining armor. But this is not something from the books or movies. I never should have entitled that responsibility to you… because when ends don’t meet, I get disappointed… but that’s the thing, I don’t think I should blame you for that. But I’m guilty… 

I think it just hurts to know that you’re really on your own sometimes. That no matter what people do, it just seems like it’s never enough. And it hurts… because you care too much. And so you’d do anything just to care less… but it never works because it’s always there whispering in your ear.

And then… you start to realize that this is your battle. And it is a never-ending one. 

Posted on August 9th at 8:21 PM
Tagged as: thoughts. life. depression. struggle. happiness. hope. disappointment.

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