This fear of being around people. Of being shy. There are times where I want to speak, like I can hear myself say things up in my head. I hear the response I want to let out and I see the situation planned out. But it’s stuck there and it won’t let out. I stay quiet and I just listen. I mean, I wasn’t always a shy kid. I used to be a social butterfly, but that did die down as I grew older. Is it just how it is when we grow up? I don’t want to say that I am a shy person. Because at times, I really don’t think I am all that shy. At times, I find myself speaking up and yeah, it’s weird for me even when I think about it, haha. I’d rather consider myself as someone who won’t talk when not needed. Sometimes I surprise myself when I take initiative, to be leader or to make others feel comfortable to speak. I think it’s funny… because sometimes I could be a completely opposite person from who I was yesterday.
I really do hope that I can just let go of this fear. I don’t even know how I got it. Like I’ve always imagined myself as a great speaker. Maybe not in the way of where I have to educate someone about the digestive system or of that sort, but about personal things… about experience, about thoughts, emotions, passions…
Sometimes it gets too overwhelming. I have so much to say but no matter how hard I push myself to start the first word, my voice disappears. And haha, I do get irritated with myself. Because it’s just that I always keep things inside and eventually that always builds up and it starts to become too overwhelming. (And that’s probably why I stress so much too.)
I do have a voice. Everyone does, (especially the quietest ones). And I’d love to hear the ideas, thoughts, and feelings of the most silent. And maybe we could relate, that would be a joy. Anyone who has a fear of voicing out their words, I bet they have wonderful interesting things to say. It’s just this fear that blocks us, this fear of “what if I say something stupid?” or whatever it is that is hindering us to use our voice… I hope that one day we’ll see past this wall. Because I think the quietest ones are the voices who we should absolutely hear from the most.
Tagged as: fear. thoughts. speaking. quickwrite.